I’ve been reviewing the stats on my page here. Topics that have the terms “model”, “sexuality” and “porn” obviously top the readership numbers at nearly 300 readers. There is a small reaction count however. The more personal entries get lower readership numbers by up to 6 times; but more feedback. I seem to have a core group that follow each other on the socials, and I find myself in great company. Thanks!
What strikes me is that the more personal I get, the less interest there is. I mean, I totally get it, I do. I understand the more vulnerable we get, the less people want to see it or be a part of it. That really is our society as we know it. Our close friends may step up or truly caring people offer support but generally speaking, most folks will turn away. My mother used to tell me that I “was a lot of work when [I] was sad”. She is right although somewhat lacking in compassion. My sisters did not get that response. I was a boy and boys don’t cry. Men are stoic and strong and know what to do when a problem arrives. They do not stop to wonder how they feel about it.
I’m writing this today to say I have had personal emails, comments on posts and feedback from other men who appreciate my candidness. Mostly they express how a piece connected on a personal level, even the photography posts. I have no idea how many female readers I have but I’m going to say it’s hard being emotionally vulnerable for everybody. It’s hard to be honest and open emotionally as a man. And you have heard this before and I am not going to dwell on it. Too much.
Men, I believe, are confused right now. Society is shifting it’s gender boundaries and roles so quickly that I’m not sure any of us aren’t confused. More and more are becoming emotionally aware and trying to work out how to be stoic yet vulnerable, strong yet emotionally honest, purposeful yet fluid. What is the difference between a dramatic, ‘extra’ dude and a very emotionally aware and expressive dude? Why do I lose people in my life being that expressive? You know what I noticed looking back over these past couple years? Many men reached out and offered support and too many women offered a quick ‘get well soon’ and broke contact. It’s reassuring that so many men offered. Yet, remember readers, many men have internalized ‘The Protector’ role in our moral values. A place to stay, something to eat, gas, usually something. So it’s amazing to have so many guys offering guidance, words of encouragement, understanding, and peer support.
They have all been photographers / artists / creatives too. Not surprising really given my circle and social media expanded circle. Photographers, Digital Artists, DJ’s, Musicians, Counsellors, and so on. Something to remember is that numerous citable peer-reviewed studies show an obvious link between creative people and mental health challenges. Across all gender identities there seems to be a tendency for highly creative people to also have concomitant depression and anxiety and other ‘disorders’. That is part of the play’s scene, a part of self-reflection and unbridled honesty culminating in “the dark night of the soul”. A revelatory experience that forever changes one’s personal reality when they realize they cannot unknow what they now know. Somewhere beyond denial lies honest creativity. When one find’s a flow-state and expression is caught as it arises.
How many of our masterpieces catch tragedy or despondence? That loss of hope, of rejection reaches so deeply within us that of course that becomes a subject of artistic expression that crosses all genders. What is artistic expression but the expression of one’s own emotional existence within the human condition?
So could it be said that the core of creativity is emotional expression? For me, absolutely yes. Sometimes I create because I want to, but it’s also my choice of what it becomes and it must make me happy in the end. Sometimes, it doesn’t make me happy but others like it so that makes me happy, because it connected. It becomes relative. I like it because others do. Or, I feel that whatever I was feeling when I created this is justified somehow. That sadness in that photo or heartache in a song I write.
What if I found these artistic methods of creation as a way to express myself in my life? I wasn’t afforded a safe place to express reactions in my early life and I constantly turned to the arts or creativity as a safe space to be myself. The harder part came when I used this expression in public such as gigging or showing someone my drawings or later posting my photos. The depth of creativity these mediums allow made it more socially acceptable for emotive expression. It’s like saying “tell me you’re sad without saying you’re sad”.
The reality is that if you put yourself out there, you become open to comparison and ridicule. Our subjective experience become relative to others perception of it and therefore judged through the frame of their experience. You cannot know what you don’t know. Until you learn it of course, but often that requires confronting self-denial and loads of other shrinky-type-things that … um … well … nah. “Cheque please!”
To surmise personally, my emotional expression is tied directly to my creativity and my photography and writing work. I express myself through it whether here or a song or a photograph. My emotional state will affect my work for sure and I like being able to express myself. If I wasn’t this way, I couldn’t create what I do. Whatever it may be.
I find myself at an uncomfortable moment amongst all I’ve unpacked of therefore:
“Show me your emotions without showing me you’re emotional” is how I think our society largely responds to men’s emotional expression.
Please prove me wrong.