Model : Olivia Preston : Photographer : Robin Burch (2019 Copyright)
Watching these two guys going through my record collection was difficult. They knew a few of the artists and bands but not many. One would pull out a record and say it looked promising and I would describe it. They put it back. In the end one grabbed about 20 records and the other grabbed about 30. The one asked about my record box. All the detachment I was practicing with the records disappeared and I felt a deep feeling of anxiety. This record box had been to every paid gig and party I had ever played. It bears the scars and dings of a well travelled forty pound lump you might expect. The stickers are dog-eared and faded. I just couldn’t part with it.
The past week has been busy as I sort through my belongings and decide what I want to keep and what I am letting go. It is very cathartic. I have decided to only keep what I am truly attached to and the process is surprising me how much stuff I have kept just because I owned it. There are things that have travelled from the UK and in and out of 3 homes here in Canada over the last 15 years. I hold them now and I wonder why I kept it.
I have sold many keepsakes and ornaments. I have given away three quarters of my book collection. I have sold handmade furniture I have made. Gone is my favorite acoustic guitar amp and a resonator guitar I did a lot of work to. I was never happy with the sound of either really and I kept them because I did a lot of work on them. When I invest my time into something, I tend to keep it even if I don’t really like it. Gone is my perfect leather man-cave couch. I don’t have a man cave. Vintage speakers that sounded so warm like a long hug. They were four feet high and weighed a ton though.
My photographer gear has been packed into an old trunk ready to move. My music gear is being packed too. My kitchen gear is getting packed and my contractor tools that made me a living are being stored. There are a few things I can’t make up my mind about yet and I won’t push myself into a decision. I have been lucky because the people who have bought things from me have all been nice and respectful. It’s rewarding knowing my belongings are going to good homes.
Going through the memories has been a double edged sword. Some great memories and photos of my travels and past life. Of course there are the things that trigger bad memories or feelings. They get packed just as carefully as the good memory things. I keep them because they are a reminder of my journey both good and bad. My old journals from teenage years onwards. My sons may find them interesting one day.
I am looking forward to living with less and being more minimalistic. I had this yearning for ‘stuff’ and my home has felt cluttered but it was cozy. I think the clutter added to my sense of safety and feeling of homeliness. But it also added to the dusting and cleaning which I would put off and the clutter which bugged me. Bizarrely, I found homely while feeling overwhelmed and cluttered. It feels good to find comfort in letting this go.
As the move draws closer, I feel excited and an old deep feeling of normalcy. I love moving and facing the new horizon. I love the uncertainty. It feels like home as strange as this may sound. Moving so much when I was young conditioned me and I have struggled with staying somewhere for any amount of time. I go into this with an open-mind and with awareness. I made this decision for myself and it feels good.
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