“Cool. You can pay in cash…?”
Can you counsel yourself?
“Please sit down. Relax. So what’s going on?”
Well, for the last year, I’ve been exploring publishing more of my work, working on a book project, honing my skills and although my shoot count hasn’t been high, it’s been productive. I generally get a lower shot count with a higher success rate. I’ve worked with some very talented art models and shot next to some very talented photographers. I’ve been working on a business plan too which has twisted and deviated as, and when, I had time between working an average of 60 hours a week. Needless to say, the year has been busy. And it burnt me out.
“Okay. Along with your heart attack and recovery; that’s a lot on your plate”
Yeah, but this should be a time to keep riding the wave and using that momentum to get more followers, shoot more models, get more work published and get more paid work.
Yet the more I think about it, the more I really want to return to basics and explore other areas of photography. I love abstract street photography, landscape and portraits. I want to get back into film and I’ve been working on my 1950’s Rolleicord III TLR which belonged to my father. I picked up a Holga camera for some fun.
I want to exercise my ‘vision’ to find composition and interest in things I enjoy. I want to feed that photojournalistic part of what inspires me. To find shape and discord in humanity and our impact upon, not only each other, but the worlds we create.
“Aspiration is good to have if it breeds hope. However, it can also be a place of great distraction when you are confused about your next step you need to take.”
It could be said that I feel the need to reconnect with my own life. This ain’t it.
[ed. Yes, I am always this self-reflective and it’s exhausting.]
I have made a couple of mistakes recently too. One was a booking error and bad communication on my part which caused a lot of inconvenience to a model. A mistake I regret. Then I missed some shifts at work because I was just knackered. My hosting abilities were virtually zero because my current job’s hours aren’t sociable. Start at 2:30 am then I’m not home until 5 or 6pm. So, my housemate had to step in and help when he could but it was like an AirBnB really. I didn’t work with either model. The photography road trip happened although myself and another photographer couldn’t make it. Circumstances beyond our control meant we had to pull out and the model and one photographer did it together.
“Sounds like you’ve had difficulty finding the time for your commitments. This is what I would reflect to someone else in your situation. In a manner which suggests culpability along with the compassion for how hard a time they’re having.”
Jumping to the action stage (make more time or less commitments), I am waiting on the result of a job enquiry in a town a couple hours away from Vancouver. It’s better hours but less overtime but closer to my sons.
I have learnt through experience that we become who we are in life often by experiencing who we don’t want to be. We need to touch the hob to know not to do it again. So it is with facets of ourselves. Experience also says to hesitate in seeing this process as a failure. Try to see the process, to remember the path we’re on hasn’t ended yet. Just don’t keep doing the same thing over again.
“Cool. You can pay in cash…?”
This is why you never counsel yourself.
I will still be shooting but selectively with models. Primarily for my book project and publications. I’m going to work on some basics outside of primarily shooting with models to improve my compositional skills and lighting knowledge. It will only make me a better photographer.
Cheers as always for sharing your time here. I know I get higher readership when I write about nude photography but I really believe knowing someone’s experience really helps you understand their work. So, thanks for being interested.